


oh, how easily passion twists

by marriottsmushrooms



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alex confesses his love for Will whilst I confess my love for dodie clark, Angst, Ferris Wheels, Gen, Love Confessions, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marriottsmushrooms/pseuds/marriottsmushrooms
Summary: He feels like he's on the verge of tears. When Will pulls his hand out of Alex's weak grip, that's when the floodgates open. He's well and truly fucked it.





	oh, how easily passion twists

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lads thought I'd let you all know that I love Dan Howell and I cried too much today so I wrote this to stop my heart hurting
> 
> Turns out I'm just really gay  
> Someone love me 
> 
> But aside from that, this was converted from an old work from once upon a distant time ago, to this shiny brand-spanking new sparkling piece of ass for you to enjoy
> 
> I stan you all (+ an orange queen) 
> 
> -marriottsmush xx

Alex feels sick. God, Alex feels so sick. The butterflies inside his stomach feel like less of a tingle and more of a monster, eating him alive from the inside out. It's almost painful.

It doesn't feel like nausea, not like when he actually feels sick, but it seems so similar, as if this anxiety was nauseas little brother, or big brother, depending on how you look at it.

With every deep breath, the monster within him calms for a moment, lifting its claws from within Alex's flesh and briefly numbing the anxiety, but then, as he breathes back out, the monster starts back up, and his insides are once again emblazoned with fireworks made from sparks of nerves.

His hands feel clammy, incredibly so, especially in the blistering October cold. He runs them together absentmindedly, just whilst he waits, and can feel just how clammy they are. So, he drags his palms down the rough fabric of his jeans to somewhat battle the sweat, and then waits a little, letting the monster ruin his insides a little more, and letting the nerves turns themselves into condensation against his skin- and then wipes again.

He's shaking all over, from his clammy hands that swipe at his thighs regularly, to his feet, which tap rapid patterns into the hard earth below them. He supposes he could blame it on the cold, if only he weren't wrapped up in a stifling padded jacket- which would in any normal scenario, shelter him from the cold and keep him at a moderate temperature, but with Alex's nerves, made him feel as if he were in a sauna.

His mind is occupied with one thing.   
Fuck, fuck, fuck.   
Nervous swearing- not a great habit. He mumbles it under his breath, sometimes in time with the fingers anxiously tapping at his knees.   
Okay, maybe two things.   
Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
And, Shit, I shouldn't be doing this.  
Maybe he shouldn't, but that's not really anyone else's decision to make. He's here, and that's a start, and everything is arranged. Alex has a rough plan, a rough plan that he knows will most probably not come into use when it could be most necessary.   
Alright, maybe three things.  
Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
Shit, I shouldn't be doing this.  
And him.   
Oh, him. That boy, the one that Alex can't stop thinking about. It's also him, and his eyes, and his skin, and his smile, but mostly his eyes, and his sense of humour, and his eyes, and oh, his laugh and what Alex would imagine is the feeling of their fingers intertwined as their skin presses together as they hold hands. But that had only happened once, and it was completely platonic, and that's the reason Alex hasn't thought about that happening since it happened and maybe that isn't true and he thinks about it every day, and oh my god, he knows needs to calm down.

He takes in another shaky breath, but the more that he takes, the less the monster seems tamed by them. He seems like a permanent member of Alex's body now- although he may have overstayed his welcome.

Alex bites into his bottom lip so hard that he's pretty sure the skin is bleeding, so licks it nervously. His mouth is dry, his lips are chapped. His lips are completely and utterly chapped and dry like sand and Alex wishes he had bought some sort of lip salve, for fucks sake.

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Alex isn't prepared for when Will walks around that corner. He's been waiting for him to come round that corner for at least ten minutes, but that still seems too short of a time to prepare. He stands up quickly, maybe too quickly. Will grins.

His hands are in his coat pockets. The hood on his coat is up, somewhat hiding his mousy hair, not that he would have been able to see it, not in this darkness, perhaps in the lights. His smile is infectious as always, and Alex mirrors him with a grin as wide as Will's. God, his eyes are pretty. They reflect the moon perfectly, and Alex just cannot wait to see how the lights of the small funfair will make him glow.

"Come on, then. What you waiting round here for?" Will smiles. Alex tunes back in, his ears tired and weary from listening to the distant music, cheery yet repetitive.

"Nothing, nothing, no, lets- uh- lets go," Alex stutters, starting to walk in the direction of the golden lights. Will frowns a little at his obvious nervous state, but walks alongside him anyhow. He decides to intervene.

"You alright? Seem off. You should've said if you're scared of fairground rides. 'S alright Al fella, we all have fears."

Alex's heart seems to either stop or speed up at the nickname, and he gulps anxiously. Its stupid, he knows, George calls him that all the time, but he doesn't feel the same way about George that he does about Will. Alex thinks the monster must be having an incredible time wherever he is, feeding off all this nervous energy.

"Fuck you, I'm not scared," He speaks, perhaps a little too defensively. He recoils a little, regretting his outburst, and choosing to focus on the mist in front of him than Will's reaction.

"A'ight," He chuckles. "No, but seriously, y'alright?"

Alex breathes out.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

  
They get in fine, they get their tickets, and Alex notices how the grin on Will's face doesn't falter for a moment. He's constantly facing the lights, amazed by the atmosphere. They both are.

It's somewhat magical. The bright lights contract so strikingly to the deep, dark sky, and the air carries that kind of weight that it does when it's late at night, and you get that kind of rebellious feeling. They aren't rebellious, they were meant to come here, they're allowed. It's as if they're on a completely different plane of reality- it's such an unusual feeling- but it's welcomed in the both of them.

It's not a huge space, there are only a few major rides, with it made up of mainly smaller rides and stalls with food and small games, all the familiar sights. As the slowly make their way in no particular direction, Will reaches out and takes Alex's hand.

It's so unexpected. Alex almost stops moving, his stomach feels like it's been turned upside down. It's welcomed quickly, and soon Alex almost forgets their skin is touching. It's so warm, familiar. It feels like home.

"I need to- uh- talk to you?" Alex stumbles over his words. "At some point."

"Okay," Will nods, too transfixed by the grand ferris wheel to look at Alex. It's lit up with what seems like millions of tiny lights, and it spins ever so slowly. It looks like a ring of stars, blends in seamlessly with the sky behind it.   
"How 'bout on there?"

"Yeah, okay."

Will drags Alex over to the queue, their hands still holding each others. The line is tiny, so they get on with no problem. Alex spots the person working there- a small girl who seems to be around their age- glance down at their hands, connected, but doesn't let his gaze linger long enough to gage her reaction. They are alone in the carriage, still touching as it slowly begins its rise.

For a little while, they're both distracted by the landscape, the glowing lights in the far distance, but as the music fades, they become higher and Alex's nerves begin to skyrocket, Will speaks up.

"Right so, what was it you was gonna say, fella?" Alex glances over to see that Will is still looking at the ground.

"I-" Alex starts, shutting his eyes. "I like you."

The monster stops. The monster doesn't just stop, he disappears. He's completely gone, and Alex is just left with silence and a cavern in his gut that is completely empty. The air becomes thick with tension almost instantly. Will slowly turns.

"D'you mean, like, as in, romantically?" He mutters softly.

Alex nods, still facing the outside, but his eyes are closed. He feels like he's on the verge of tears. When Will pulls his hand out of Alex's weak grip, that's when the floodgates open. He's well and truly fucked it.

He didn't want to cry, but does it anyway. He hopes Will doesn't see, so keeps the whimpers and the shoulder trembles to a minimum.

"Al mate, you know, I'm- I don't like boys."

Alex nods, pulling his empty hand into his lap.

"I know. Trust me, I fucking know." His voice is thick with tears. "I knew you wouldn't like me back, so I don't know why I'm fucking crying."

"Al, 's not a big-"

"Shut up, Will. Lets just get off this thing so I can go home."

"A'ight."

**Author's Note:**

> Send me whatever you want me to write please send anything literally I'm so unimaginative but I love writing you stuff


End file.
